It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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