Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
