Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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