you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
nutella sex= disaster
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i now understand why vodka
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
