There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
