No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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