just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
