imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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