You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
