taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
