i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
