you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
