Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
