I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
