You really coming over, don't trick.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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