we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
there is glitter all over my balls
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
