I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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