I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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