HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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