it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
