I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
