She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
