He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize