Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
