Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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