bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
