I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
