the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
