And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
