Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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