he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
