On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Randomize
