I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
