and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
