love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
