i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize