Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
