Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
