I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
