Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
