Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
