never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
