wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
