So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
