listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
