My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
