Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
