just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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