I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
