Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Randomize
