hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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