my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
