I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
