You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize