you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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