Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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