Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
