Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
