Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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