How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
