my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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