Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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