I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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