Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
