God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
