ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
