The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
