new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
