we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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