i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
