nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
