She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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