it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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