I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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