How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
